The Magic Is Gone

Now that we've had a couple days to process this whole "Jim doesn't have cancer" thing, I can finally relax and treat Jim like he deserves to be treated: With mockery and rolled eyes! And let me tell you, it has been TOUGH...near IMPOSSIBLE keeping my mouth shut at the dumb shit things Jim does! I deserve an awesome wife award by the way for how TOLERANT I've been at his stupidity (Oh! Sorry Jim).

So there we are in the doctor's office yesterday and the nurse practitioner is getting Jim's history and a summary of his issues - recent and not (big mistake by the way, asking that!). Let me tell you, there were about a dozen times where I had to step in and say things like, "No Jim...your breathing hasn't changed in the last two months." "No Jim, your energy level hasn't changed." "Your joint pain - real or not - hasn't changed Jim!" "Jim, when the doctor asked you about brothers and sisters, she didn't want to hear about Rob getting in a car drunk and hitting guard rails. That has no bearing on your issues. Or the fact that your mother and father smoked Camel nonfilters." (Well, that last one may have a smidgen of relevance.)

And then the lady asked Jim if he had any groin pain (I almost shouted out - NO!!! Don't ask him that! What are you DOING!?). He said no, then looked at me (as if I could feel his pain...as if he really HAD any pain...I wanted to cause pain in his groin area at this point). I shook my head (NO! Don't say anything!) trying to make him read my thoughts. And then he said, "Well, I have had this weird lump on the inside of my thigh." And the poor lady was forced to say, "I'm going to have to see it." (And I swear she rolled her eyes and sighed despondently.) So of COURSE Jim had to drop trou (thank God he kept his panties on) and reach up his boxer briefs to find, well, would you look at that, the lump (ingrown hair/pimple) disappeared! I have to say, all I could do was laugh, apologize for my ASS of a husband and say, "I can't take him anywhere!"

And there you have it.  Things are back to normal here at the Hanke household. Jim does dumb shit things and I'm allowed to mock him again! Life is good and as it should be.

Happy New Year's Eve to all.  Please be safe if you go out and about.  Jim and I will probably go out to exercise our Megatouch fingers at Shooters but other than that, we'll hang at home. I'm making steaks with sundried tomato cream sauce for dinner (Jim's choice) and I'm sure we'll end up celebrating the new year early (we never make it to midnight).

Later peeps! I'll see you in 2015!