Yesterday was just a whirlwind...truly. I woke up thinking that it was slated to be one of the worst days in my (and Jim's) history and in the space of a few minutes, things turned, completely on a dime. I don't know if it was divine intervention or what but my mind is still reeling. I can't even explain the relief and thankfulness I feel. It's completely unbelievable and eye opening.
So essentially, here's how it all went down: Jim went in yesterday for his scan and biopsy. The department was running a bit behind so while his procedure was supposed to be at 10:00, they probably didn't get to him until 11:00. That's just the way things go...I wasn't impatient and truthfully was happy to put off the confirmation for as long as possible. When the tech came out to get me, she said, "We have good news." I was confused...and said, "What?" She repeated herself and I said, "What is it?" By that point we had reached where Jim was and Becky was standing there with a huge smile saying, "It's great!"
Apparently, when the docs went to do the biopsy and ran Jim through the scan, there was nothing there. The nodules that had been HUGE on the previous scan had apparently disappeared. When I heard, all I could do was cry and say, "Holy SHIT!" about 17 times.
I was told later by Becky and Maggie and Susan that based on what had been seen on Jim's PET scan, things didn't look good for Jim. Becky said to the family that they needed to prepare for what was coming. When I talked to her while Jim was being prepped yesterday she told me the possibilities of treatment (possibly a year of chemo). When I talked to my Dad yesterday - after the good news - he told me how this had been weighing on his mind - thinking that this could have been the last Christmas with our Jimmy. Tough to even think about now.
Anyway, Jim and I kept the oncology appointment today and that was an experience in itself (more on that in a minute). The doc was all smiles, surprised at yesterday's results but elated that, as she said, we didn't have to leave the office in tears. Jim will go in for a follow up scan in 2 months to ensure his lungs are clear. He has an appointment with the surgeon in March and will see the dermatologist for a body scan once a year (although I will periodically check him as well). Other than that Jim's good. Melanoma will always be a part of his life but we will be vigilant in monitoring it.
So the oncology office today was so scary. I can't tell you how upsetting it was. So many sick people. At one point they called a man in for his appointment and when he stood up, he sort of wavered and seemed to walk in slow motion. The nurse noticed immediately that things were not good with him and she managed to catch him before he crashed to the ground. He had gotten dizzy upon standing and was just too weak to walk after that. It was so sad and scary. It left Jim in tears. The weird thing was just before this happened, I was sitting there watching all these people enter; people obviously going through chemo and so obviously sick and I thought, "I wonder how many times there's some sort of emergency or 'incident' here in the waiting room."
This experience has put so much in perspective for me but has also left me wondering why. I have never wavered in my love for Jim and in my life with Jim but this scare has really reminded me how much I love him and life. It's made me realize so many things about what's important and the total advantage most of us take in the day to day ease of life. I'm humbled and hope that I can figure out a way to say thank you to whatever or Whoever allowed this miracle to occur. Because that's what I really think this has been and I don't understand why Jim and I are deserved but I want to make sure not to forget and I want to give back somehow.
For now, however, I'm going to go hug Jim (for the hundredth time) and get ready to go out to dinner with his brother. Happy Tuesday! Health to all...more later!
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