So I had a little blow up at Jim last night because he's pulling his same old shit: not taking care of himself. As I've mentioned before, he's got this cough and he's had a sporadic low-grade fever going for a number of days. Aside from the fact that he always seems to check his temp or have some sort of coughing fit when we sit down for a meal (yes, he takes his temp at the table) or when I walk in the room, what's most annoying about all this is that he doesn't DO something about it. It's like he forgets that he has cancer. The reality of his situation always seems to surprise him and when I bring up the fact that MAYBE this is related to melanoma and MAYBE he should be calling his doc, he acts like he had never thought of that. I mean...it's so fucking annoying! And then when I get frustrated with him he says, "I think your problem is that you don't like to take care of a sick person." And I said, "No...my problem is that I'm not a doctor and if you are SICK Your doctor is the person who should be taking care of you!" What I don't want to happen is that for him to wait and wait and wait to make the phone call and then he ends up in the hospital for weeks! And then I told him I'm so sick of his drama queen actions like waiting for us to sit down together for a meal to take his temperature. And he says to me, "You think I'm a drama queen?" He asked this with a straight face...totally seriously. I mean what!
And then he says this morning, "I knew there was something wrong with you!" And I said, "I didn't hide what was wrong! You didn't have to ask me what was the matter because I laid it all out for you last night! There's no secret here!" And he said, "Fine...I'll call the doctor and tell him what? That I have a cough?" Me: "Are you seriously asking me what you should tell your doctor!? Mr. I-take-my-temperature-13-times-a-day!? WTF?"
In the end, I typed out a message to his NP this morning because I don't trust Jim not to "forget" to call today. I need him to get this checked out. Fingers crossed.
Now, please don't blow me shit for being such a hard ass here. I know it seems like I'm giving a lot of overly tough love here but I've been here before. I've been here for Jim's dramatics for 20 years so I know that if I don't shove my foot directly up his ass, he'll continue doing nothing and in the end we'll both pay for his stick-his-head-in-the-sand attitude. I know it's a hard tote to carry around (this cancer diagnosis) but Jim sometimes seems to forget he has cancer and that just can't happen. He has to be vigilant and aware of his body (without being a drama queen) so that he can nip shit in the bud quickly before it takes a bad turn. He's had this diagnosis (melanoma) for 6 years and that's a long time to live with this and I'd like to continue that run. So yeah, I'll be a bitch if Jim doesn't step up and take care of himself.
Okay - I'm done bitching. Time to get ready. Happy Wednesday! Stay safe. Later!
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