Hoping For Relief

I think I'm more nervous about the endodontist NOT finding an issue today than I am about a possible root canal. The crazy thing is that my pain has been much better since it hit a high point on Wednesday. Most likely that's because I've been on top of taking ibuprofen the minute I can to stave off the toothache and headaches I've been getting but of course that then makes me feel like I'm a hypochondriac. I swear I'm not. 

My appointment is at 8:30 and it's just up on Montgomery by Moeller so I won't need to leave until 8:00. Of course we're supposed to get snow here in a second during the morning commute. Hopefully with the pre-treatment they did and the traffic things will be fine. At least we're not getting what Cleveland got and what upstate New York is currently getting. Yowza! They're expecting up to three feet and it's not even December yet. I read in the Farmer's Almanac that it was going to be a doozy of a winter. 

Does everyone reading here do Wordle? Today's word was stupid. I got it (and on the 4th try) but I question whether that's a word or not.  Ridiculous. I wonder if Wordle does like crosswords often do: increase the difficulty through the week so that Friday's word is a challenge. I'll have to pay attention to that. 

What else? Oh...I had a bad teacher moment yesterday. I was so upset about my behavior. So, I have a kid - who I love - he's autistic, a junior and so funny. He's about 6' 4" (which has nothing to do with this but just trying to give you a picture), of Egyptian decent, high-functioning but he does have some typical autistic behaviors. He's a talker; he never raises his hand which I try hard to fix; he rocks a lot (typical), he'll laugh to himself making me think he's off task, he makes funny faces which is distracting for me when I'm trying to teach. But again, I love this kid. He's really sweet and is such a pleaser. However, he's also a teenager and sometimes stupid shit comes out of his mouth. 

So yesterday, I was getting ready to read the latest chapter to the kids. They have the option of using a hard copy of the book to follow along or get on bookshare.org and read that way. He always gets on the computer. Of course he's always the last one to get on the book so I can start. Yesterday, as I'm getting ready, I seem him bent over his computer, rocking back and forth and he's not where he needs to be so I say, "Ali?" (Not his name...I didn't yell or anything, I just said it with a bit of irritation in my tone.) His reply, somewhat under his breath was, "Calm down...I'm getting there." I was taken aback and didn't respond right away because I wasn't sure I heard him correctly so I sort of looked around the room. The looks on the faces of my other students told me I heard correctly. The other students had that wide-eyed look of disbelief...a sort of an "oh-shit-he's-going-to-get-it" look. This probably made me react a little harsher than I would have. 

I looked back at Ali who I could tell knew his mistake and I said, "What did you say?! Did you just tell me to calm down?" He replied in the affirmative and I just said, "Get out!" (I didn't yell.) He then back tracked and said, "No no no...I didn't mean it I'm sorry!" I said, pointing at him while I'm sure my face turned red with rage (but I didn't yell), "Don't you EVER talk to me like that! Do you understand!? You don't ever speak to me that way!!!" Of course he was ashamed...I shamed him and his face started to twitch. 

From there, I continued with my reading and about a 1/2 hour later I was done and I went back to my desk and I was so upset. I just felt so ashamed of my reaction. I was sitting there thinking about what to do when Ali got up, came to my desk and in a shaky voice said, "Mrs. Hanke? I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I shouldn't have said that." I was so surprised that he apologized and I of course, immediately said, "Oh Ali...that's okay. I know you didn't mean it and thanks for the apology. We're good." And we fist bumped and he went back to his desk. But I still didn't feel right so I said, "Ali? I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have talked to you that way...I didn't handle that well at all. I apologize." And he, sweet as pie said, "That's okay Mrs. Hanke. We're good." 

Total teacher fail but I'm also glad that they all got to see that teachers fuck up too and it's ALWAYS okay to admit your wrong and apologize. I definitely need this next week off!

Okay well, time to finish getting ready and get to the endodontist. I should be home by about 10:30 and then I have an IEP at noon. It's a zoom meeting so I'll be able to do it all from home. Shouldn't take too long either. 

Happy Friday. Headed to Columbus tomorrow! Can't wait to hang with the Egberts and Mom I hope and see the renovation! Later!