Computer Woes

So the computer guy here at school didn't have good news for me and I'm not sure when or if my computer will get fixed. He's going to try wiping the whole thing and then reinstalling my OS...problem is - if this doesn't work, I'll have had to pay for Windows 10 and that money will be wasted if the computer is totally corrupt. UGH!

And so I'm here at work posting, however, I will try and get through the saga of Sami. Actually, it's a very short story. As you know, she'd been dealing with mobility issues for a while. She was on an anti-inflammatory since about June...but I still called her Slip-n-Slide because her muscle mass was so shot she would just slide all over the kitchen tiles. Hell, she even slid on the carpet. She was also mostly deaf and could only see a bit (based on how often she'd clock herself on walls and miss steps etc.) Poor little baby.  I should also mention that she was having a hard time going up and down the stairs in my house. I had started carrying her, which did NOT make her happy...she hated being picked up. Anyway - everything was fine on Friday when I got home from work...she and I went for a little walk and she followed me around as I made dinner and what not.  All was well.

So Saturday, Jim got up before me and did his routine...took Sami out, gave her her pills and then she went to go upstairs. Jim watched her from the bottom and ended up having to help her up because she started to fall backwards. Once she was settled in, he went down and watched the news. As he was sitting in his chair, he could hear her trying to get up and struggling...scratching on the carpet etc. So he went up to check on her. Basically her back end had failed her completely. She couldn't walk. She couldn't really move and the look on her little face was masked in pain. Her eyes were glazed over and she was panting and shaking. We both knew right away.

We headed to the vet when they opened and after a brief exam, the vet said she's in pain and we made the decision. I held her little face in my hands as she passed and felt her last breath on my face.

{Give me a sec...don't want to cry...}

K - I've got it together now.

Sami was unlike any dog I had ever had or met for that matter. She wasn't cuddly. She hated her ears and paws to be touched and really didn't even seek out a hand for petting. (Well, the last few months she did...she loved having her chin scratched in the end and would come to me as I lay on the couch each evening.) I don't know if it was her first year or so of life that made her that way (living on the streets? having an abusive owner? who knows since she was a stray) but we understood her and let her be who she was. She certainly gave her brothers grief at times but again, they let her be who she was and knew not to push her buttons and just let her have her way. It was like it was kismet that we all found each other. Every animal comes into your life for a reason...I believe that...and I don't think many people would have been able to handle Sami and her bossy ways...they would have sent her away, I'm sure. We, however, never even contemplated that and we are the better for it.

I remember so much about her little personality...how she used to get in bed and shove my pillow up to sleep by our heads (since Bubba was at the end of the bed and Zeke was in the middle). I remember how when the boys were still with us and she would go to eat, she would take a bite of food and then rush into the other room barking...as though the boys were crowding her and hovering and threatening to take what she believed was HERS...even when they were nowhere around. I remember how she loved the snow and would do laps in the backyard to the point where her paws didn't even seem to touch the ground. I remember her tiny face and how she loved me unconditionally. And I her.

And as hard as all this is...no matter the pain I'm going through now...it's all worth it. And one of these days I'll get another pup...not to replace but to add to my heart.