Wearing Out The Wiener

HAHAHAHA!!!!

So there's a student in my classes, I believe in the past I've called him Ike. He's an interesting character; autistic, a pacer and a rocker. He's a bit of a kook but nice enough. One issue I have with Ike is that he doesn't necessarily have a filter or maybe he just doesn't know the things you should keep to yourself. For example, (and this has happened at least 3 times): When students at school asks to go to the nurse from class, we, the teachers, are required to fill out a slip of paper that has a checklist for the ailment from which the student is suffering. In other words, when a kid asks to go to the nurse, I'm required to ask, "What's wrong?" (Not that I want to do this. In fact, most times it's drama and hunger and the nurse gives snacks and water. What I'd like to say, "Yes. Go. I don't care what's bothering you." but I don't.)

Back to my story and Ike. So Ike has, at least three times, asked to go to the nurse and when asked what's ailing him, he'll point to his privates and say, "My thing hurts." I always immediately check mark "other", quickly scribble my name and rush him out the door, trying with all my might not to think about why his "thing" is hurting. (I think we all know, however.) And again, this has happened more than twice. I mean what the hell is this kid doing to himself!? And why haven't I in the past said, "TOO MUCH INFORMATION IKE!!!  Just tell me your stomach aches. I mean Jaysus, Mary and Joseph!"

So yesterday I get this text from Diane: "Ike told me he has to have surgery next week. He said the blood vessels in this 'testicules' keep getting kinked up and the docs are going to fix them." I mean, how much chicken choking can one wiener take!? Apparently Ike found out. He's done wore his wiener OUT!

By the way, I told this to Jim and he said, "I hope he's using Vaseline."

So this brings me to funny slang for masturbating and here you go (just a smattering...some of them were stupid but there were dozens!):

• Buffing the banana 
• Bopping the baloney
• Cleaning your rifle
• Corking the bat, 
• Cuffing the carrot
• Flogging your dog
• Floggin the frog, 
• Flute solo
• Pocket pinball
• Polishing the banister
• Pounding your flounder
• Whipping the willy

And on that note...WOOT! Friday! DOUBLE WOOT! Last day before Spring Break!!! I'm calling for a day of relaxation. I mean, the kids are spent, half of them are gone already and they will have no patience for work. Movie day it is! I think in celebration of the approaching opening day, we'll watch Field of Dreams in Government. YAY!

K - I'm out. Later!