It's been a grueling 14 hours. I got a call yesterday evening from my ex-boyfriend's step-mother. I knew right away upon seeing the caller ID what she was calling for. David Neaman killed himself this past Monday. My mind is spinning and I can't stop thinking about it. I didn't go to school today because I'm just numb and distracted and I hate being this way in front of the kids.
So, the details - I don't have much. I don't think it even matters but here's what happened. On Sunday night, several old friends, David included, got together for a goodbye party for Dan (he's someone we used to go on tour with - Grateful Dead). David, I'm guessing went with his roommate - Marty (Marty, David and I all roomed together as well for a year when Marty was going through a divorce and then when David and I broke up, they got a house together). Let me interject here: David was drinking again. Rumor has that he was sober for about 3 years and then for the last 1-2 years, he'd started again. Anyway, at some point during the party, people realized that David was missing. Then Marty realized his keys were gone. David had taken them. He totaled Marty's car. He went to the hospital but wasn't injured. He was then released to the police. He spent the night in the Justice Center. He was released from there Monday morning, I believe and while Marty was at work, he hanged himself. Marty found him later that day.
I just keep thinking that he hadn't necessarily planned this but after Sunday nights events, he just couldn't go on with the huge mess he had made. I don't know. I know he suffered for years. I had heard he had been diagnosed with bi-polar. I know that in the years we were together, he was never stable. He continually threatened suicide when I was with him, I guess as a means to keep me from leaving. The end of our relationship was volatile and shadows everything, which haunts me. I kept waking up last night thinking about those 4 years we were together and I honestly couldn't think of a truly happy time. Maybe now he's at peace. I hope so.
So, later today, I will head to a family and friends get together. They aren't having a service. His ashes will be scattered in South Carolina (the Isle of Palms). Afterwards, some old friends are gathering in Kenwood at Fridays. I'll see how I feel.
I hope that David is finally at peace. I truly do. I know he struggled for years to be happy and for some reason he was never content. It seemed he could never find a piece of life to grab hold of and the demons inside him were forever torturing him. I hope too that his family and friends can be at peace and not torture themselves with David's choice. So sad.
1 comment:
I was so sorry to read about David. When Bobby died people would ask if I was angry at him-which of course I was not. I can't imagine not being happy- I just always am and to not be is something I will never understand and to have the demons that he had is not comprehensible to me. I think that he did the only thing that would give him relief from the mania/depression. I always dream of him and when I do he is the handsome and funny and healthy man I married, not the person that mental illness destroyed. My thought and prayers are with you. Love, Kathleen
Post a Comment