A Little Bitch Here...A Little Bitch There

I didn't have much to post about and then I realized that I had some bitching to do!  About who (whom?) you ask?  And nope...not about Jim this time.  Which leaves only one other...yup, MAGGIE!  I sat on the phone and begged her, nearly crying, for a picture of my sweet baby girl!  I asked, "What's that little cutie wearing!?  I miss her so much! Please send me a pic...if you do, I can guarantee I'll post (today)!  If you can't do it for me, do it for Eva's Nana who hasn't seen her in weeks, nay, months!?"  And so I got up this morning and RUSHED through my morning routine.  To tell it truthful, I look like shit!  I didn't even take the time to put on my contacts (another future bitch).  I'm a wrinkly mess!  All parts of my ensemble look as though I rooted through the garbage to find something to wear.  And what do I find?  What is awaiting me in my mailbox?  NADA!  NOTHING!  GOOSE EGG!  ZERO! ZILCH!  OH THE HUMANITY!  I mean she's just so SELFISH!  She gets to see her every day!  I think she takes advantage of that fact!  I mean to ignore your own daughter by not snapping a picture for her sweet aunt!  And it isn't just about me!  NO!  Think of those faithful readers!  Those devoted people who long, LONG to see such a photo.  It's heartbreaking really!  And I'm ashamed of my sister!

That was a pretty good bitch, huh!?  Well, Maggie's a pretty good bitch!

My second bitch of the day is to Jessica Simpson.  I know what you must be thinking:  Why does Muir care about Jessica Simpson.  And in reality I don't.  Well, that's not true.  I like Jessica Simpson.  I'm very, very happy for her and her new baby.  I wish her the best and I hope she looks FREAKIN' FABULOUS when she debuts her "post baby" bod.  However, I just read this quote on People.com regarding her weight gain during her pregnancy - she stated that she indulged in EVERYTHING, which "included eating one of her faves, macaroni and cheese. But Simpson didn't quite understand how the indulgence would affect her post-baby body. 'I didn't realize [the weight] didn't all come off with the baby,' says Simpson." Is that chick for real!? Did she think that with the delivery of her baby would also be the delivery of her mac and cheese thighs/belly/butt?!  For shizz?  You can't be that stupid, can you?!  Regardless, I look forward to her looking fab (I think her debut will be on Katie Couric's new show).

And my third bitch is about a part of my body that I'm having a hard time coming to grips with.  I touched on it before...my eye!  My right (your left) eye to be precise.  It's driving me to, well, drink (not really...that's just an excuse).  I don't know what is going on with it but I have to think it's allergies.  It can't be pink eye because I don't have any of the "real" symptoms.  I mean, yes, it turns red but not goopy.  And it doesn't ache as though someones punched me.  The real issue, I think is that I may have scratched it or there's something else wonky with it.  I can't go a whole day with wearing my contacts because my eye goes haywire.  I've tried putting in new contacts.  I had a theory that maybe I was wearing my "tacts" inside out but alas, that wasn't the case.  I'm very diligent about changing the solution in my case and my left (your right) eye doesn't have issues.  At this point, I may just have to head to the eye guru and see what's up...make sure my eye isn't about to fall out.  That would suck.

Okay well, it's Wednesday, which means early release at school (for the kids), which means shortened periods which means I only have to sit in 1st period with the stinkiest, nastiest most heinous smelling kids for 40 minutes rather than 47 (or whatever it is).  OH JOY!  I'm not kidding you by the way - this kid is DISGUSTING.  He smells so rank I don't even know what to do!  HEY!  Maybe that's what's bother my eye.  Because you KNOW!  It's my right (your left) eye that's closest to the kid.  AND!!!  My eye didn't start bothering me until AFTER 1st period yesterday!  Oh, shit, wait!  I didn't take the kid home with me this weekend and I did have an issue on Sunday.  DAMN!  Anyway - if anyone has any extra room deodorizer sitting at home, I sure could use some extra bottles.  I may buy about a hundred of those little Christmas tree thingys and hang them under the table where Stanky sits. Although I don't think even those could outdo his odor.  I mean, think of dirty underwear, mixed with cat litter, cigarette smoke, B.O., and pee then multiply that by about a week without a shower and there you go!  Eau de Stanky.  F&%KIN' PEW!!!

K - Now I'm out...later!